“Puffing Autumn Smoke”

Chill Autumn breeze.
No, winter breeze.
Chilling to the bone.
Shaking violently.
Each breath is a puff of smoke.
Smoke rises to the sky and
Dissapates into the air
Never to be seen again
By the naked eye.

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“Disappear”

The winter wind blows and ruffles my clothes,

Emotions of displacement overwhelm me.

This heart of mine, burdened with time,

Dares to escape my clutches.

Broken hearted I may be

And lost I may seem.

Yet, no matter where I go you seem to find me and wrap your arms around me.

Though you have cured my loneliness

And wherever you are I feel your holiness,

I am still likely to disappear.

“You’ve Changed”

It’s like something took hold of you, a monster of greed,

A monster of pride and high self esteem.

You wallowed in lust for a person that wasn’t there.

You spent hours in your closet searching for the prettiest clothes to wear.

 

Hour after hour, we would hear your big mouth talk,

Over and over you talked about your perfected walk.

It seems so distant but I remember when,

You would see me fall down and pick me up again.

And sometimes at night when my room goes dark,

I wonder what happened to the girl with the ki

Someone Told Me …

  • Someone told me that they loved me. I was sitting at my desk, bored to death when she turned around and told it to me matter-of-factually. I waited for a happy tingle to consume my being, but instead I smiled awkwardly and looked away. It’s hard for me to tell someone “I love you”, even when I love them back.
  • Someone told me I looked beautiful. The “camp crush” of the year told me in a middle of an awkward conversation. We didn’t really talk much after that, but it made me feel better to know that I’m not as ugly as I thought I was. It was nice to know that if I put some effort into my appearance, I won’t disappear.
  • Someone told me I’m not good enough. When I told someone I care about my next steps, they told me that the profession that I’m going into doesn’t fit my character and that most likely I’ll change my mind, like I always do.
  • Someone told me I’m not stable enough. I know that I’m sad most of the time, but just because I’m sad doesn’t mean I’m not capable of doing great things.
  • Someone told me I’m not smart enough. My grades aren’t good enough to be considered “intelligent”.
  • Someone told me I’m not try enough. Can’t they see that I’m trying?
  • Someone told me I can never do anything right. 
  • Someone told me I will never do that. 
  • Someone told me I’m too quiet. 
  • Someone told me I’m OCD. 
  • Someone told me I look ugly. 
  • Someone told me … 

It’s hard to think positively when negative thoughts overcrowd your mind. But take a deep breath, clear your mind, and start again. Good thoughts will come.

“Quicksand”

Hold my hand,

Hold me, please.

I’m sinking into the sand.

I’m already knee deep.

 

Your grip is loosening.

Your determination is fading.

My strength is declining.

My ears can’t hear what you’re saying.

 

It’s all around me.

It’s covering my eyes.

Where did you go?

Where did you hide?

 

All they can see is my lonely hand.

All you can see is sand.

Hold me, please.

Hold me, I’m sinking.